I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
