had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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