Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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