Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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