you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
