I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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