There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
