You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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