whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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