My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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