I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
