home. puking in laundry basket.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
