i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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