everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
