Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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