Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
