i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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