That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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