you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
