I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
