I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
