I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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