she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize