his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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