i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
