There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
