Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
