Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
