so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I haven't been this sober since birth.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
