Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
