it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize