So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
