How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
