i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
