Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize
