The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
