Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
