im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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