That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
