I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
