Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
