This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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