is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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