Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
