You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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