dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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