PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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