On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
