I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
