You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
