please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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