i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
