I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
why is half of my head shaved?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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