he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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