Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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