I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
