laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
