Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i was born a porn star she said
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
