Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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