I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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