have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She bit a glass in half.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
