i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
