The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
