Well douche your snatch and let's go!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
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they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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