You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
