Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
