I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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