She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
