Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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