we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
