Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
